Michael Bay diarrhea
my sisters under your porch take her home
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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