your thong is hanging out like whoa
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
