A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
