if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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