he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Life is so much better after having sex.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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