I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize