I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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