I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
