Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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