When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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