I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
