I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
