having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
