After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
