absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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