So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
