There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
