Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
