bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
