Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
