Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
