Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
