so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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