This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
