That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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