Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
