Betty ford says i'm here all night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
