found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize