I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
