Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
