the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
