Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
