just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize