Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i have herpe
just one?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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