Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
