Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
