Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
