I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
