when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
