You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
