Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize