Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
