I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
