I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
