You're my little dorito
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
