Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize