I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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