when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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