i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
