I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
