Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
