Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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