You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
