Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
