He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
