The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Acid is not a monday night drug
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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