She said her name was "party"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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