Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
