god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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