You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
