Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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