Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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