ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
