dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
