next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize