like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
