God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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