Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can I color on your dick again?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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