If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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