i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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