i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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